Expectation and the Slippery Slope

‘How this week will unfold, who you will become tomorrow – it all boils down to one thing…Expectation. Expectation that’s not followed by action is not expectation… it’s just hoping; and hoping has never achieved very much.’
Yesterday, Carson and I had a great chance to explore Expectation. We had tacked up and headed down the road, thinking we would climb the canyon, and sneak back up on the sunshine. It had been one of those glorious, bluebird sunny days in Merritt, but down along the river valley, the sun gets shy early, but has the nerve to tease us by hanging out on the bluffs and high sage hills. So, not to be out maneuvered by some silly old sneaky winter sun and steep climbs, away we went. Now the ‘Canyon Trail’ as it is affectionately called by me is really a misnomer. There is no trail. But with only sage as undergrowth, and wide spaced pines, who needs a trail? Of course, when I tell you that the canyon is caused by the clay eroding away by our infrequent rains, and is one of my all time favorite features of this place I call home, it should tell you that we were climbing clay. And we have had (clay) unseasonably warm weather for a week now, and all the (clay) snow has been melting, freezing, melting and everything (clay) is generally becoming very un-Merritty mucky (clay). So. happily, we begin our ascent, switchbacking to and(clay) fro, pausing to catch let Carson catch his breathe (clay) and we watch Griffin go by, noticing with a vague curiosity that he is oddly sinking (clay) and having a bit of a tough time gaining altitude (clay). Huh. So up we go….and I bail off the topside as Carson begins his slippery decent, and scrambles to keep the proper side upright…..hmmmmmmmm this is interesting. He had halted his downward ooze and was planted, a leg at each corner facing up and staring at me as if to say….’Well…way to go Hot-Shot! Now what?’ What indeed! So slide down to him, with really no chance of falling as my feet have somehow managed to accumulate 12 lbs of clay(clay) on each boot, so I am firmly anchored, not to mention barely mobile. I snag up his mecate, give him a rub and assess the situation. Now this is where things start to get cool. He is thinking down, I am thinking up, I mean, we are half way up as well as half way down, and there’s sun up there….and better footing in a another 50 ft or so. So. I now have a goal, a planned route and am willing to ask him to trust my judgment again, knowing that if we both do our bit, all will be fine. This is my expectation and I am fully aware that I am asking him to believe in me and vice versa, because if he panics, or chooses his own judgment over mine, it will not turn out as happy. So, I turn, offer a feel a couple times on the line, just getting his nose tipped the right direction and his mind with me and thinking up(she’s nuts, but ok….) and then we leap, slip, grunt, slid and make it to somewhat firmer ground and catch our breathe while I plot out the next portion. And so it goes human leading, using all my best judgment and best ground seeking skills, finding a safe way out of the mess I got us into, and horse following, trusting waiting, following every feel infinitesimally carefully, never crowding me, pausing and resting together. with one last big effort, we top out on the ridge, both of us puffing like steam engines, steam rolling off our backs. I give him a big hug and tell he is AMAZING and definitely a good partner. Whew! What a deal! And what a simply beautiful test of a horse. He was brave, trusting, thinking, feeling for me, calm and patient. All those things that we try so hard to achieve in a safe scenario, often never getting a chance to really test our work. Things like this are what can really give a horse confidence in the human, themselves and they learn they can think through difficult situations, and not panic. HA! And we are basking in the late afternoon sun, on top of the world, both of us soaking up the incredible view.( well, ok, I was actually trying to scrape of half a mountainside of clay (clay) of my boots before climbing back on him while enjoying the view.) Of course the dogs made the top in no time and have come back after chasing whatever it is that Great Danes chase on clay banks, and give us a ‘what took you so long’ and are off again.
And so are we. Carson has a long series of blows, and lines out into a traveling walk, and we explore the top side of the property and on down to the creek which has opened up in
the middle, with cracking, thin ice on the edges. Here, my job is to just sit and let him take his time. Have a drink, check it out, test it, and then just casually walk through, ice and all. The rest of the ride is all small ups and downs, through the sage and trees, and the one stony ravine, and back to the road, where I drop down the rope again and woo hoo! I caught Sage! Ok, she managed to get out of the loop before I could dally up, but something tells me that was just as well…….!
Carson today proved to me that he is becoming a Good Using Horse. One that can think in tight situations, stay calm, stay focused, defer to the human and show trust. We had a job to do, a tight spot to get out of, and he came through with flying colors. I am very proud of him, and I think he is proud of himself as well. He certainly gained confidence today, and we both have even higher expectations of we are capable of together……..
Funny thing is, I never doubted that we could sort through the sticky situation, that we had all the skills and abilities necessary and it would all turn out just fine. But I guess that’s the difference between hope and expectation.

Snow on the Sage

This is Carson, waiting while I take snap shots to send to his mom, with Sage standing in the entrance to his ‘Man Cave’…….

I don’t know what it is, but Sagebrush is Magical…..the smell is like Stef Catnip….all I want to do is roll around in it and snuggle my nose deep into its velvety branches. It has such a mysterious aura about it, tough as nails, its bark all gnarled and twisted, yet leaves the softest, delicate sage color……and it is everywhere alongside us as Carson, Griffy, Sage and myself head up the trail behind the Ranch. Our destination is alongside the Hwy, and then across, seeing how deep the snow still is up here (hmmmm not that deep). Carson needs some experience with fast, loud traffic, and although infrequent up here on Hwy 8, if we wait long enough, someone is bound to drive by and give us a wave. We’re in luck! Two semi’s pass us by, and Carson could really give a snort, so we put a little check in that box, and cross over and up to the gravel pit, circle the Excavator (yaaaawn) and GALLOP up the trail….yee-haw! This is what we’ve been waiting for, and he feels like he is spring loaded and although his head is high at first, after 4 or 5 strides, a rub and pat, he settles into a ground gaining, dog leaving run that leaves both of us breathless and smiling! Oh! Look a new trail that the trail fairies must have put in since I was last up ( either that or things look different in the snow!) so we head up, but it looks all up hill in a big way, so I take a moment and call a board meeting, in which the dogs were dismally uninterested, so that left Carson and I to make a unanimous decision to return down. He picks up the speed a bit, so I think this is a great time to work on a soft feel ( hold until he gives, then release nice and quickly) and lateral moves, all the while feeling for him…looking for such softness that he keeps his mouth quiet, and carry on down on loose rein. We do this pretty much all the way to the gravel pit, and are getting some AMAZING true half passes and are really moving together, step by step…this is VERY cool to both of us, and Carson feels no pressure to preform, just almost enjoying

using his body. It certainly relaxes him, so onward, through the pine trees we go, now down a steep, slippery gully, threading our way through big rocks and dead fall, and both of us searching for the easiest way back up to the plateau…Oh…I see it too Carson! A big buck deer….but swoosh, he’s gone and I call the dogs off like some maniacal banshee….(sheesh!) haha! Carson doesn’t seem to care, and we wind our way down to the slipwire which is happily open already, across the highway and onto Dot Rd. Now we have great footing and wide dirt track, so re-visit our soft feel and hold for longer now, and over into that nice leg-yield and back, holding the same flexion, going the opposite way in a half pass, loose rein, blow, blow blow. NICE! I drop out my rope for a couple attempts at snubbing onto the dogs, but they got wise to this game months ago, and I satisfy myself by catching wily, invisible white-faces…..Oh they are slippery devils today….I peer around at Carson as it seems to me he is rolling his eyes….;~.
And here we are back home again….I promised Carson a roll in fresh snow, so into the empty pen by my horses for a nice visit and apparently very satisfying roll.
Thanks Little Buddy!
Lunch for me, and oh darn! Another horse to ride…………Bliss.

Gift Horse…..


Meet Gumby…..He is Jeanne’s (and my!) special boy, Belgium/Mustang and every inch of this gentle, furry creature is pure Feel education. This guy cannot be ‘made’ to do anything….just try, and see where it would get you….mowed over, flattened, run away with, maimed and/or killed. Dramatic? No, not really. At 8, Gumby was wild for too long to not have huge survival mechanisms in place, and not at all interested in just handing his life over to us humans. His Brother Nash is up here as well now, and he is a completely different kettle of sardines….yep, he is juuuuuuust fine with being looked after, ridden, contained and domestic.
But, not so with Gumby, but happily, he must have acquired very good karma, as Jeanne is infinitely devoted and patient with him, and has allowed Gumby the time, space, resources and opportunity to proceed at his own pace. This is a HUGE lesson that horses operate on their own schedule particularly those who may have experienced any trauma can tell you, trust is not forced to happen, belief in others not just given, independence held on too tightly. Self preservation has built in hyper awareness, sensitivity, high flight drive, massive distrust and complete lack of desire to connect with a human. All of these are innately in our horses, just intensified in ‘problem’ horses, and certainly take great degrees of feel to even begin explore. Gumby was one of my pivotal horses, where I realized that I absolutely HAD to feel….where he was coming from, where he was thinking of going, how fast he was thinking, why he was thinking the way he was, how was I making him feel, and was it up to him to change, or me? He would not fit into a program or lesson plan, he had to be felt every single step of the way, or no dice. Period.

Well.

(Human step’s back, licks and chews thoughtfully…..hmm, NOW what?)
Gumby is one of the reasons I am a ‘Feel Queen’. He helped expand my awareness, my desire to become more finely and acutely tuned in, trust in myself, believe in what I felt/observed, and act upon the intuitive nudges and what simply felt ‘right’ in the moment, slow down! and the power of just being with our horses. Gumby insisted that I go in with an open heart, an open mind and no agenda. I had to be true, firm, flexible, gentle, reserved, soft beyond soft, respectful and clear. Humbling? Totally! Frustrating? Completely! There are days when I still ask for guidance with this horse as my head hits the pillow, days when i think I may have done wrong. But Today, when we end our 11/2 session with him looking like something out of a Dr. Seuss book as we trot around the property scaring the Poop out of all the other horses and he is having a BLAST doing it- just me an’ Gumby doing weird and wacky things…..together and I know it and he knows it, and we stand side by side after he is back in his pen with Nash and neither of us wants to leave the other, I know he has blessed me with a treasure that is only beginning to be explored.
Gumby, the Brumby……Thank You.

Not Always Black and White!


I was doing my daily meditation ( aboard Carson and Indy and as it happened) and absorbing the peace and ridiculous beauty of the silent snowfall, I noticed that although everything APPEARED black and white, upon closer observation, it was anything but. Subtle shadings of color tinted the basic outline and muted the tones of so much white, and I (naturally!) couldn’t help but apply this metaphor to life / horses . It is all part of slowing down and appreciating the present (it is a gift after all) We humans love to have things presented so clearly, so black and white and easy to discern and follow, rules of what to do when ‘x’ happens, and the proper order in which to do things. We love to know how to do things in relation to’ how we’ve always done things before’, and what the ‘rules of the game’ are. Hell, we even have penalties if the ‘rules’ are broken. Not in the natural world! Everything happens right NOW! ( I Love that…RIGHT now, not wrong now)And of course there are rules, but it depends on each individual circumstance as to how the subtleties and shadings of effect are enacted.
I was involved in a mentally challenging question today, that did not involve the horses, but of course (of course!) the horses brought my answer. Yes, it does depend upon the circumstances, the presentation and the particular shades that color the question, but, most of all, it involves…….what do I
feel?
Ah! Feel………… and therein lied the answer, just that easy.

The top photo is Lauren’s ‘ Painted Chief Blackbird’ who is certainly anything other then Black and White……..
Sage and Griffin demonstrating how to mix Black and White in the truck….
Griffin modeling against the horizontal and vertical patterns of his settee , his eclectic mix of bold Black and White Dane Day Wear.

Griffin, proving ( albeit questionably) that everything does go with Black and White! Hahahahahahaha!

” What we have before us are some breathtaking opportunities disguised as insoluble problems.” John W. Gardner.