Tag: feel

La Vida Cita y La Traileria

Posted on by Stefanie in Uncategorized

With that ridiculous sunshine and warm weather out, making the horses drop their hair like there is no tomorrow, ice melting under the frozen poopsicles so I can finally pick up all 43 loads of it out of the fields, new training horses and feet to trim, and riding, riding, riding, I have been a wee bit slack about posting a new blog (as some of my more drill sergeanty type friends have pointed out..hahahaha)
So, since sleep is optional and surely the dogs get enough for all of us, I am going to share a nice little ‘Allow’ story with you. This is Cita. For those who don’t yet know my future diamond, she is 1/2 arab 1/2 Quarter horse, almost 2, and just beginning her next phase of education. And, like most most teenagers (or so I am told) she can have some pretty cheeky moments and others when she is real unsure of herself and runs back to Mommy Indy (much to his dismay, sooooo bad for his Ultra Cool Guy Image!) We have been playing around, refreshing her ground skills, and adding some new ones. Its funny to watch the herd watch us work, they are all so very interested and concerned that I get it right (yeah, no pressure, guys, thanks!) Mostly though, Cita thinks this is pretty ok, and is happy to be growing up and doing big Kid Stuff. I had her out and was brushing the mud off, and attacking her with the spray bottle, trying to squirt Toxic Palomino Death Juice on her...no! Wait! That’s just mane de-tangler! Oh, ok, go ahead……, picking feet (cause that what us Farrier type folks do once every six months, weather they need it or not), and getting in some good positive tying practice. (Oh! remind me to expand ad naseum on tying on day, and I will). And…….one of the all time Favorite things to Avoid Until the VEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRYYYY Last minute…The Trailer!

Happily and (not so) oddly enough, right after my little awareness kick on Allow, I am presented with one of the most triggering of all horsey related situations, designed, not as you may think, too haul your horse around in, but to bring out all the very worst traits and habits and truths in both horse and human. Here we have the opportunity to really get tight and tense, impatient and all pressurey. ” Make the outside uncomfortable, and the inside the good place” ( Make?) how many times have I heard that line? So, here I am standing outside of said aluminum torture chamber on wheels, wondering how this was going to unfold. You see, Cita has no real opinion yet on a trailer (short of when she was 4 months and hauled up here from the island, but two winter’s up here will have frozen that memory outa her head) and is a clean slate. And I sure don’t want to end up ‘making’ the trailer be an issue. So what happened was this. I decided to just allow her to get in the trailer.

Allow her all the time in the world. Allow her to just stand here and fall asleep while I brushed her with her nose in the trailer. Allow her to check it all out. Allow her to scoot backwards as she made the bum bar rattle. Allow her to paw the ground. Allow her to fall asleep for 5 minutes. (Gee, says human….wonder if I ought to be making (!) her do something now, dozing can’t be getting us closer to in…hmmmmm I should be doing something…hmmmm). Allow her to put a foot in and bring it out. allow her to go for a short walk around the patio furniture. Allow her to put two feet in. Allow her to rattle the barriers….and NOT come out this time, brave girl. Allow another calm back out and wander around the lawn furniture…… And allow her to just get all the way in, blow and happily take a mouth full of hay, calmly looking back at me standing outside the trailer door. Allow her to calmly BACK out and go for another stroll, and right back in.

Total length of Trailer Loading time? 13 minutes. hmmmmmmmm very interesting. All that was required of me was… presence, patience, softness, awareness, and feel.

I was so curious with MYSELF thru this process, as I wasn’t really sure that she was knowing what I was looking for (duh!) as she seemed almost disinterested, but, oh, she knew! So hard to not want to get in there and get all busy and make (ah) something happen! I also became aware of just how little we need to do to make our requests clear, and how often we screw it all up by just doing TO MUCH! When I asked her to move, I literally lifted my hand an inch, and quit as she went “Yes?’ So everything was just so small and relaxed and low key… what a neat experience, and another level again of just how subtle we can communicate. If we just get out of the way, they find the way we have shown……………easily, calmly, confidently and together we allow one another respect.

Making Allowances

Posted on by Stefanie in Uncategorized


Its an odd fringe benefit of endlessly picking horse poo, that it becomes a sacred time of meditation and introspection. I suppose its the repetitive action that slows my brain down into this state of contemplation, proving once again how everything we do with horses is Zen and compels us to be in the Now.
The other morning I was reflecting on my life and the inevitable ups and downs and how relationships come and go through our lives, always effecting us, always changing us in varying degrees, when I stumbled upon the words, ‘Make and Allow’. Now this pair of words have been around in my life for sometime now in the context of horses, but I had somehow missed placing the filter over my own life. Hmmmmmmmmm That was a VERY revealing and interesting poo picking morning!

Make and Allow……try this little exercise today…see how often you say/think/use the word make in your life. Become aware of how often we are inclined to want to ‘make’ things happen.. We make the bed, make lunch, make our work on time, make do, make much of the traffic, make plans, make decisions, make the coffee, make sure everyone is ok, make the light, make next years budget, make sense out of the instructions, make up for the day you took off, make copies, make a list,make the feed store on the way home, make sure homework is done, make allowances for, make dinner, make a couple calls, make time for loved ones………..make time for a ride.
Now, I sure noticed a whole lot of ‘make ‘ in my day to day life, and then I like to believe that I am not like that with my horses, but, truly, it begs the question of ‘How could I NOT be with all that make in the rest of my life?’

So I thought and felt about the word ‘Allow’ and tried to come up with my own description of its meaning. For me it has such a potent combination of leadership with permissiveness. There is a sense of willingness to experiment with freedom, but with a connection to responsibility. hmmmmmmmm very interesting! I then tried to see how often I allowed myself during the day….sadly the answer was strong feedback for me and I have begun a shift of perception. Make comes from a base of Force, and Allow from a base of Power…..…Allow has trust in it, trust of self, trust of horse, trust of life, trust of the Universe. Make has control in it, control of self, control of horse, control of life, control of the Universe (hahahaha)

As this whole concept applies to horses, Make and Allow enables me to continue to refine my awareness and response-ability to the slightest try. It allows (!) me to be more forgiving. It allows for greater lateral thinking. It allows for error. It allows for greater self expression and exuberance. It allows for establishing boundaries and clarity of intention. I find as soon as I begin to shift into even the teensiest bit of ‘make’….a fight begins. If I continue along these rigid lines of thinking its ‘my way or the highway’, emotional sweat starts, relaxation is forsaken, tension escalates, learning halts as survival begins to kick in, and ultimately the relationship is damaged. The level of reaction tends to be in equilibrium with the amount of make force applied, but make (!) no mistake, a certain amount of callous will develop, rapport lost. …. Something as simple as not being aware enough to realize that the hoof you wish to pick up is weighted, and you apply more force to ‘make’ Mr. Un-cooperative to pick up his dang foot not only dulls his respect for you, but teaches him that you do not have a clue and simply allowing him the moment to shift his weight allows everyone to be respected and working together….(Thanks for the example, Lauren!)
Some horses, depending upon their innate personality can deal with certain amounts of make and adjust, but I guarantee you that the trust level has been lowered and you are on your way to becoming a tyrant ‘force‘ leader. The horse may have a great deal of respect for you, but it is beginning to blend further into fear, respect’s closest neighbor. The horse is a holistic system, as we all are, and if make goes on long enough, and the horse has learnt how to “wear” the pressure, we begin to see health and/or behavioral issues. Plenty of sore backs, lameness, respiratory issues, cribbing, weaving can likely be traced to tension, fear, uncertainty and lack of trust because they were made to do something they were not comfortable with, confused about, not allowed the time to think about, or given any option for choice.

When we interact with a horse,I believe our goal is Balance, as are most things in life, and I have also discovered that allowing and indicating a thought/direction/movement and shaping it gently, taking what is offered and having the flexibility and imagination necessary to not criticize, to allow a sense of rightness in the horse, they begin to turn more and more loose to use, and allow us to shape their behavior into our goals, as long as they are allowed expression, comfort, freedom, positive responses and respect. As we allow our horses to accept responsibility, and relinquish trying to ‘make’ them, startling things begin to happen to us……………. Just think about allowing a lead change. Allowing a balanced stop. Allowing a horse to tie well. Allowing them to have a good trailering experience. Allow yourselves to experiment. With your selves, your loved ones, the guy in the car cutting you off, your fears, your goals, and of course your horses. Allow yourself to screw up, get it all wrong. Allow your horse to get it wrong, and then allow him the chance to find the right answer and allow him to feel good. Allow forgiveness and humility, allow patience and generosity of time. Allow yourself to be present with your horse. Allow softness, collection and grace………

What on earth do WE have to learn to shift our perceptions and methods to enable this to happen????

How fascinating……..

Emotional Yoga

Posted on by Stefanie in Blog

Today started out weird. You know, one of thooooooosse days! Days when you wonder what you are, what you really know, why the dream means so much, how to make it all make sense and just feeling sorta overwhelmed by it all. You know….one of those days. And so with far to many thoughts spiraling around and around in my noodle, I spend a good chunk of my morning with my new friend, the spade. Now, never underestimate the handiness of a spade when you need to chip half frozen horse poop out of the ice it has become one with and then Mr. Poo Fork is happy to do the scooping once it has become dislodged. Oh! When will it snow again! Winter’s not over by a long shot here, and I muse pensively on the fact that I will soon be going through this icy time again.
Happily, this meditative therapy slows the incessant chatter down in my head somewhat as I grab my friends Carson and Gumby out, and prepare them for what I envision to be an interesting, yet promising ride. I think about what I am planning for this ride as I wait for Gumby to soften and lower his head and accept the bit, deciding on who to ride out, and how best to set it up for all of us to win and gain confidence. Hmmmmmmm Ride Gumby out, pony Carson, switch for the return home. Yep, that’s the ticket.
There are a few things that could be fairly big tests on this sort of an excursion, so allow me a moment to expand. Both of these horses have had prior tendencies to over-react to higher stress intensity situations, one by bolting, the other by bucking. Ponying someone is a trigger still for Gumby, having to deal with another horse’s energy and their pressure that close to him are tough. Also we will be going past a long time fear spot (Land of Horrifying Irrigation Systems). Carson is very, very aware of other horse energy, and this is something for him to be with Gumby’s BIG energy and tension, and they do not really know one another real well. So, I feel they are both ready for this test, and I want them to succeed, gain confidence in themselves and what they can handle, and to know, they have to be exposed.
Out they drive we go, Gum walking out at his crazy fast walk, and Carson has to trot to keep up, immediately setting a tone for the ride, and kicking up the tension. We get past the calves, and I keep feeling for Gum, and he keeps feeling back to me for a moment and two, and then he gets gone again. I am trying to keep Carson in position, jockeying the two two horses around, checking back Gumby, pushing Carson out and back again, and feeling myself get wrapped tighter as well as I try to do too much.

I call a halt, exhale and sit.

Gumby, bless his heart, sighs and waits for me to get my head straight, and I realize, that my first obligation is to him. We are connected, I am riding him, and he needs to be my focus and I need to be with him so he can be with me.

Right. Off we go. Now I am feeling him, moving with him instead of trying to control him, just matching him and gently re-guiding his energy, softly being with just him. And that’s all it took. Yes, he still got a bit rattled by Carson jogging beside him, but he would settle as I asked, and this is simply an ENORMOUS change. previously He would get tighter and tighter wound, more removed from the human, very disconnected and worried. At the Hwy. I stopped again and ended with a lovely series of blows from Gumby, before I hopped off and switched horses around…on to Carson.
Now Carson up to this point has been fairly tense, jogging along and feeling somewhat removed from what the two of us were doing, so I took my time to connect a bit on the ground, asking him to back a step, and soften his head for me, making sure he stood solidly for mounting. As we set off towards home, I knew he had alot to deal with, Gumby’s excess energy fed into him, facing home, 6 horses in the field he has never seen before, and the three dogs crashing down the banks. I can feel his tension; in his skin, through his muscles under me, and in the air around us. So I make sure I am grounded and relaxed, confident in him, and being with him, give a rub and ‘line out my friend, lets go home’……………..and he does. As we near the field of horses, and his attention goes that way, I softly ask him back, and repeat about five times, he sighs and ignores them. Just being aware and gently redirecting before it goes too far is all it took to have him stay with me and avoid a potential situation. The rest of the way in, he is blowing and carrying his head and neck low, and swinging the reins in a great long walk.
My heart swells with pride in my two boys and the absolutely terrific changes they are making, their strength of confidence and trust in one another we have, and their ability to have their emotional elastics stretched and relax again. This was a big emotional test for all of us today, and I realize now that that is what makes us all stronger and more fit. If we did not have these things that come along and test our wills, our inner resources, our faith and trust in self and what is guiding us, we would never grow, never change, never improve……….

I leave you with one of my favorite quotes……..

“We acquire the strength of that which we overcome.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Expectation and the Slippery Slope

Posted on by Stefanie in Blog

‘How this week will unfold, who you will become tomorrow – it all boils down to one thing…Expectation. Expectation that’s not followed by action is not expectation… it’s just hoping; and hoping has never achieved very much.’
Yesterday, Carson and I had a great chance to explore Expectation. We had tacked up and headed down the road, thinking we would climb the canyon, and sneak back up on the sunshine. It had been one of those glorious, bluebird sunny days in Merritt, but down along the river valley, the sun gets shy early, but has the nerve to tease us by hanging out on the bluffs and high sage hills. So, not to be out maneuvered by some silly old sneaky winter sun and steep climbs, away we went. Now the ‘Canyon Trail’ as it is affectionately called by me is really a misnomer. There is no trail. But with only sage as undergrowth, and wide spaced pines, who needs a trail? Of course, when I tell you that the canyon is caused by the clay eroding away by our infrequent rains, and is one of my all time favorite features of this place I call home, it should tell you that we were climbing clay. And we have had (clay) unseasonably warm weather for a week now, and all the (clay) snow has been melting, freezing, melting and everything (clay) is generally becoming very un-Merritty mucky (clay). So. happily, we begin our ascent, switchbacking to and(clay) fro, pausing to catch let Carson catch his breathe (clay) and we watch Griffin go by, noticing with a vague curiosity that he is oddly sinking (clay) and having a bit of a tough time gaining altitude (clay). Huh. So up we go….and I bail off the topside as Carson begins his slippery decent, and scrambles to keep the proper side upright…..hmmmmmmmm this is interesting. He had halted his downward ooze and was planted, a leg at each corner facing up and staring at me as if to say….’Well…way to go Hot-Shot! Now what?’ What indeed! So slide down to him, with really no chance of falling as my feet have somehow managed to accumulate 12 lbs of clay(clay) on each boot, so I am firmly anchored, not to mention barely mobile. I snag up his mecate, give him a rub and assess the situation. Now this is where things start to get cool. He is thinking down, I am thinking up, I mean, we are half way up as well as half way down, and there’s sun up there….and better footing in a another 50 ft or so. So. I now have a goal, a planned route and am willing to ask him to trust my judgment again, knowing that if we both do our bit, all will be fine. This is my expectation and I am fully aware that I am asking him to believe in me and vice versa, because if he panics, or chooses his own judgment over mine, it will not turn out as happy. So, I turn, offer a feel a couple times on the line, just getting his nose tipped the right direction and his mind with me and thinking up(she’s nuts, but ok….) and then we leap, slip, grunt, slid and make it to somewhat firmer ground and catch our breathe while I plot out the next portion. And so it goes human leading, using all my best judgment and best ground seeking skills, finding a safe way out of the mess I got us into, and horse following, trusting waiting, following every feel infinitesimally carefully, never crowding me, pausing and resting together. with one last big effort, we top out on the ridge, both of us puffing like steam engines, steam rolling off our backs. I give him a big hug and tell he is AMAZING and definitely a good partner. Whew! What a deal! And what a simply beautiful test of a horse. He was brave, trusting, thinking, feeling for me, calm and patient. All those things that we try so hard to achieve in a safe scenario, often never getting a chance to really test our work. Things like this are what can really give a horse confidence in the human, themselves and they learn they can think through difficult situations, and not panic. HA! And we are basking in the late afternoon sun, on top of the world, both of us soaking up the incredible view.( well, ok, I was actually trying to scrape of half a mountainside of clay (clay) of my boots before climbing back on him while enjoying the view.) Of course the dogs made the top in no time and have come back after chasing whatever it is that Great Danes chase on clay banks, and give us a ‘what took you so long’ and are off again.
And so are we. Carson has a long series of blows, and lines out into a traveling walk, and we explore the top side of the property and on down to the creek which has opened up in the middle, with cracking, thin ice on the edges. Here, my job is to just sit and let him take his time. Have a drink, check it out, test it, and then just casually walk through, ice and all. The rest of the ride is all small ups and downs, through the sage and trees, and the one stony ravine, and back to the road, where I drop down the rope again and woo hoo! I caught Sage! Ok, she managed to get out of the loop before I could dally up, but something tells me that was just as well…….!
Carson today proved to me that he is becoming a Good Using Horse. One that can think in tight situations, stay calm, stay focused, defer to the human and show trust. We had a job to do, a tight spot to get out of, and he came through with flying colors. I am very proud of him, and I think he is proud of himself as well. He certainly gained confidence today, and we both have even higher expectations of we are capable of together……..
Funny thing is, I never doubted that we could sort through the sticky situation, that we had all the skills and abilities necessary and it would all turn out just fine. But I guess that’s the difference between hope and expectation.