Category: Blog

I Give Up.

Posted on by Stefanie in Blog

Part of my goals for this year for myself include allowing myself to release judgment.
Judgment to me means ” what I perceive to be ‘right’ according to my opinion”. My awareness of judgment includes that of myself, what I believe others think of me and my actions, what I see in others and their actions, daily events including weather, random occurrences, un-planned changes ( well, ANY changes, really)right on up to how my life is unfolding….

I know, I know. At first this seems like a BIG thing to decide to chew off, and Let Go of, but actually, therein lies the secret. I am beginning to explore the concept of Letting Go ( ack! Surrender, Faith….et al) . I am rolling it around in my being and have done somewhat since the Old Clearmind Days…( Personal Growth exploration I did a few eons, er, years back clearmind.com if you are curious about yourself and your tickings and are either brave or stupid….:) but for some reason it is really starting to become in earnest.

For example…..having chosen to follow my dreams and pursue what I love doing as a career, and essentially had only myself to rely upon, I have found myself to become rather ATTACHED to the out come of events in my life. I have worried and fussed and stayed up late far to many nights, anguished about decisions on how to go about developing my work and living in abject fear that no one would care, apprectiate or “get” what I am passionate about. ( Note….do you see alot of jugement in those thoughts???????????) .And then one day I just got so overwhelmed with Everything, I up and decided that if everything Failed, I would just happily go back back to some grocery store job, and ride my own horses to my hearts content and never worrry about it all again and I went OH! OH! But that’s giving up!………………………………And then………….
It hit me.

Give up. Give up…. For those of you familiar with my fascination with words hidden meanings are probably rolling your eyes, but…When we say I Give up, I believe we mean without maybe knowing, that we are surrendering ourselves to….a Higher Power. We Give UP. Wow! That realization hit me bango! right between the eyes and I got it! I really, really got “it”! THAT is what Faith is. That is what Trust is. That is what Surrender is. (Please note, that while I am not a particularly religious person, I am on a quest of my higher spirituality)(( hahahaha! Am I judging myself? Or worried about You Judging????)) And a stunningly beautiful peace descended on me and I went ‘ wow! What ever happens will be ok. It just will. It always HAS worked out, so what am I worrying and fussing about, and REALLY! haven’t you noticed that things usually work out better then you could have hoped for anyway??????????? Or planned for? Or wished for? Why oh why do we think we have such a big say in what happens in our lives, that we are so powerful that we can Control everything and everyone and shape ourselves into any number of twisted shapes to try to conform, when really….our deal is just to be ourselves, do what we love, show love and be happy. Stop all that confounded control stuff…that word could happily be dismissed from life I think…..and this leads me back to my point. ….

Judgment and release from it. Ah. So how many times have we passed judgment on something/someone only to find in the end it was different then what we thought. We got more information, learn more bout it, things changed, and everything is different and….we judge again. But if we start to maybe just allow things to be as they will, they get to be as they are….! And we stop trying to be the Lords and controllers of all we see, because darn it all if I haven’t noticed that those thing we think are “Bad”? Well, now aren’t they always….ALWAYS the biggest blessings down the road? And things we try so darn hard to control seems to pop apart elsewhere? How dare I be so arrogant as to assume that I can see other peoples stories? What other people see and feel? How dare I try to pigeon-hole a horse into what every other horse has done in that situation…maybe this ones different and needs it presented just a little different and to respect everyone’s uniqueness? It seems to me that if I do judge, I put up blockages in the path of the Universe that is really conspiring for me to my my biggest benefit, and I think I know What is really juuuust around the corner?

What I aim at allowing to come through me with letting go of judgment is a greater ease and softness, a flowing with life, horses, people and myself instead of the friction of going against the flow…………..I am aiming at is trust, faith and joy. And don’t we just need to be with our animals to see and feel what no judgment and pure being-ness could be………

PS photos that I didn’t take, are courtesy of Inet Sladecek…and although she isn’t here to ask, I am certain that she withholds all judgment and knows I love her pics….:)!

With Gratitude and Vision, a New Year Begins…

Posted on by Stefanie in Blog

Happy New Year, and Welcome to 2011!


I wonder at what all the different things you may or may not do on this significant date, and thought to share some of what I like to do…..feel free to comment on any neat things you’d like to share about your ‘rituals’ for the start of a new chapter, I would love to here them!

New Years Eve is usually very private for me, and I sit and write all the multitude of things that I am so Grateful for over the Passing Year….Amazing people that have graced my life, all the horses that have shared their time, souls and knowledge with me, my family, the dogs, this beautiful land we get to call home, the sage, the pines and the rocks, my truck and trailer, all the beautiful tack, the sage, my health, my crazy cat , Taos, ( Yes! I have a cat!) for her snuggles, those great guys who keep the roads plowed, and starry nights with hot chocolate….and dreams.

Then I write out Goals for this fresh New Year….and these are very special and I highly recommend this little practice, because, just like training logs, it helps track where we have been, where we wish to go and just how often we DO achieve our goals, and to give you a little hint?

Dream Big! The Universe and everything in it is UNLIMITED! And in case you hadn’t yet noticed, it LOVES to show off, grant wishes and generally express in a Grand Way all it can be. Think of it this way. You know how great it feels (!) to give the just right, most hoped for, long wished for PERFECT gift to the one you love? yeah. It’s kinda like that! Now think if you had NO idea what to give your most loved one because they never asked, or they just said what they didn’t like or they kept saying, no, no I don’t want anything, not little ole me! Well how much fun s that to give too?????? Get my point? To me, the Universe ( God, Source) IS love and therefore expressing Love is it’s Pure Nature….so give her a hand! 🙂

I would also like to share with you one of my most cherished poems. It is actually a Navajo Blessing Prayer, and it says all that really needs to be said, and is a large part of my personal goals for this year……….Enjoy and be Blessed beyond your wildest dreams…




Walking in Beauty

In beauty I walk

With beauty before me I walk

With beauty behind me I walk

With beauty above me I walk

With beauty around me I walk

It has become beauty again

Today I will walk out, today everything negative will leave me

I will be as I was before, I will have a cool breeze over my body.

I will have a light body, I will be happy forever, nothing will hinder me.

I walk with beauty before me. I walk with beauty behind me.

I walk with beauty below me. I walk with beauty above me.

I walk with beauty around me. My words will be beautiful.

In beauty all day long may I walk.

Through the returning seasons, may I walk.

On the trail marked with pollen may I walk.

With dew about my feet, may I walk.

With beauty before me may I walk.

With beauty behind me may I walk.

With beauty below me may I walk.

With beauty above me may I walk.

With beauty all around me may I walk.

In old age wandering on a trail of beauty, lively, may I walk.

In old age wandering on a trail of beauty, living again, may I walk.

My words will be beautiful.

( The photos are of Sage in the Sage, Becca and I at the Martin Black Clinic in September, my drive home at Christmas (( Sage took the photos whilst I drove):) and Indy in the two-rein.)

A Day in the Life…

Posted on by Stefanie in Blog

I usually get going at first light, so these days its about 7:30 when I have piled on whatever number of layers seems appropriate as I peer out the windows at the awakening day. First its off to feed breakfast and pick frozen pony poo, which will take me to my own breakfast time of 9:30 or so. The dogs usually make it out to help with the last load of manure destined for the pile, and I mock them for their (very sensible) laziness and we all head in for coffee, toast and dog food ( You decide which gets which….:)

Then its back out again, glad for the warmer day at -5 and I can wear infinity safer riding boots as compared to my snow boots as I catch up my first victim, er, training horse. Meet Lennie

He belongs to the Larsen’s here at the Dot, and is a three year old Warmblood they have asked me to start for them. Today marks the 10th time I have been on him with the saddle, and to celebrate, Lennie graduated to tacking, and hop right on. Then its up to the arena, walk trot and canter a few laps, criss-cross and then stop at the gate (well, those of you that have been here know that there IS no gate on our arena) because that is one of my rules….we always stop at the gate, and then we head out, picking the dogs up as we go.
Lennie is much happier out then in the boring arena, but has never been further then the Y in the road, except his ponying journeys out with other horses. This is when I really start to LOVE my job. I focus softly yet strongly and line him out at a good trot on up the gravel road, and we cover the ground. At the top of the hill, I hesitate for a moment, thinking of safety and elastics, and then decide. On we go, Lennie! So its the ravine trail, and all its steep hills, trees, rocks branches and assorted other horse traps and I am astonished at the change in my brave little bay boy! He manages the hills with uncertainty, yet trust, me helping balance him and keeping my weight where it least interferes, picking his feet up nicely over everything, unconcerned with the scraping branches on my coat, and we trotted for a good 1/2 of the journey through the bush, even down the long grade back to the road. Whatever I asked of him, he did and calmly. As we untack, I slid him a carrot and realize that he barely broke a sketchy bit of sweat on his neck, and seems every bit as pleased as I am….what a good boy!!!!

I pop Lennie back into his field and go and gather up Kestrel. Now Kestrel has been with me before and has a good start under her belt, but has since had almost 2 years off while she gained other life skills as a mom. She had the most GORGEOUS Bay colt named Rune ( For Sale, btw…and if you are into Warmbloods….this guy is exquisite:) and then I picked her up for weaning and a refresher class in riding last Friday. She Had a fair bit to say about the proceedings on the journey up from the Coast, but has settled in brilliantly, winding all the Geldings around her pretty chestnut hoof. Today was our first real outing, as I ponied her off Carson the other day, but just wearing the halter, so saddling and riding were an unanswered question. How much of our foundation had actually stuck from 2 years ago??? As you can see, she was actually really keen to get going, and came right up the steps and into the tack room behind me, so I hazarded a guess at how it all would go, and popped the pad up, tossed the saddle on, cinched her up, moved her around, then up to the arena for some on line work. I let her drift around me on a circle at the trot, checking the whole place out, jumps, all the horses in the fields around her, and getting a feel back for the saddle. She quit moving and humped her back twice, so I stood and waited for her to settle, then move out again, ask and release watching her for tension and not pushing her bubble too far, too soon. Ask her in and hang out til she blows and out again. Small bits, small successes, build back that confidence in the experience, herself and me. Up into a canter and she humps up again, this time I push her on, working off some of the confidence we built, and leaning on some leadership now. Back to trot, and back up to a lovely smooth canter circle…Nice! ok, ok….that’s enough of that! We get the snaffle from its spot a willing jump standard, and softly bridle her, check cinches, and swing up. Stand a moment and scratch and pet all over, then its out and down the road….We just ride to the first slipwire and through the big meadow, and loop back around onto the road, barely 10 minutes, but she is soft and out of shape in lots of different ways, so this is just right. We untack (yes, she tries to sneak back in the tack room again!) and slip her back beside her bestest pal, Carson. Now here’s an interesting thing….Whenever she and Carson loose sight of one another in the stalls/pens , the other calls and gets a bit frantic, but both horses were completely relaxed and chill, although Carson did call once, it was just a hey! You’re back! call. This is some positive feedback for our relationship, and it feels good…
Next! Gumby circles his brother Nash in hopes that I will notice how bored and fat Nash is looking so that I will choose him today, but nope, sorry Gumby, its you my wily mustang friend!
Gumby and I had a rather er, complicated last ride that involved a fair bit of riding back in forth in front of the driveway, a couple fast trips back up the road to the Hwy, and one loooong afternoon tied to Mr.Fir Tree Across the Road a Piece.You see, Gumby is fairly emotional guy ( don’t let the Big Guy looks deceive you) and he has been emotional of late, and this needed to be sorted out and eased for him, and we all know it can be very emotional sorting out emotions….:) Anyway, He patiently waited for me while I snuck in the house for a Mango and a cup of Bengal Spice tea ( FABULOUS if you haven’t tried it!) for lunch, tuck the dogs in, and then we head out over the meadow, across the snowy field and up the sage hills. We canter and trot to the base of the steep climb, and Gumby never fails to amaze me at his sure footed confidence in any terrain that I can get us to. He easily makes the climb, and we stop to catch our breathe, and he kindly poses for a nice photo op and off we go, loping though the Sage and snow back to the road. Now here’s the test. All this fast high energy has been on purpose. I wanted to help set things up for both successes and a test. By leaving out at high energy, with real purpose and challenge I set the tone of my leadership, and support him all the way with guidance and rubs of reassurance. It also brought his emotions up at the same time, just got that blood moving around a bit so it was with interest and genuine hope that he would choose to stay ‘with’ me as we turned left out of the slipwire and onto the long hill home on the road…………………and he does! One correction, and a few checks on myself to ‘dis-connect’ from him ( yes, there are times you need to dis connect!) and we stroll in to home just a sweet and mellow as you please…YAY Gumby the Brumby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Done I am with paying members of my Equine herd for the day, I have been wrestling with who the last one of the day will be…..No to Cita, she just went out on Tuesday so she’ll live. That Grey mare needs to gt out again, as I still have alot of unanswered questions for her. Espada….oh mare! How I love you and owe you a good ride, but Indy it is! He hasn’t been out all week, and really needs his sharp shoes on, but I keep forgetting to order borium, so I can only do arena work with him today, but that’s enough…we are happy! As you can see, he is like a mink, and is in his ‘Winter Phase’ right now, bay. We play around with leg yields, half pass, shoulder in, spins, backing and canter departures from a halt, saving fast canter work for a safer day. I love how all the gymnastizing and lateral work brings in that beautiful full body flexion and self carriage. He is beginning to become so soft and we have moments of lofty carriage and cadence and I cannot believe how much I love this horse as I abandon ‘schooling’ and opt instead to bury my face in his plush toy coat and inhale his Indyness…..Sorry Bud..no ride out, we can barely get you up the driveway on those regular shoes….so we untack, toss him and his herd a carrot, change boots back into clumpy Sorrel’s and head back out to do evening chores. Feed and poo pick, feed and poo pick for another hour, still happily amazed at how being 2 horses less makes such a difference! ( Bella and Joey went to Kathy’s new home up at Pooley ranch yesterday, and How the Great Grey Dodge got Stuck is a Tale for some other time, that may never be told…:) I finish up, chop a whell barrow of firewood for the evening, snap a couple photos of the Gingerbread Barn, and head in……feed the dogs, cat, me and here I am!

It sure may not be for everyone, but I LOVE the life I get to live, and every single day I learn, question myself and what I know, celebrate what seems to be working, ponder what is eluding me, and remember, remember, remember to give Thanks…..*)

Seven Half Diamond, 2010

Posted on by Stefanie in Blog

Ok. Ok….Apparently I cannot help sharing some of these great photos from all these Camps. Each one I swear was my favorite, each one special and full of the best kind of people….Enjoy! So these are from the Seven Half Diamond Camp in August, and what a blessing to be at a higher altitude during the hottest week in Merritt in the summer! In town was 36 degrees Celsius, up at 7.5, a balmy 30….MUCH more conducive to hanging out and learning with horses.. The Cabin was cool and such a focal point, with its lake views, shady porches and all the comforts of home in a beautiful, lovingly hand made way. With enough privacy, yet camaraderie, good food, laughs and tears (yes, all the really good camps have tears, don’t they?)were in definite abundance, it was one of the best parts of this week. Four good friends, 2 from the Island, 2 from Pritchard came together to meet and re-unit with their horses and I left the theme of the week up to them to dictate, and I suppose it really should be no surprise that it ended up being all about Feel…hahahaha! It is simply inescapable and insistent in being brought to our full awareness……. So...what better way to start then with the (soon to be infamous:) Waiting Game? Once again peace descends upon the area, as horses await they time to come in at free choice to be with their human. Each one different in their methodology of the approach, yet each one intensely focused, almost in a microcosm, unsure, curious, seemingly indifferent at times, certainly unsettled at the turn of events and checking out what every other being is doing, until they all, horse and human alike reach stillness and presence….and that wondrous magic occurs yet again…..This is truly an exercise that will effect you like no other. We ended the first day with a casual trail ride up the pipeline, enjoying the shade and quiet time to be ‘with‘ our horses…. and oh ok! And a really good loooong gallop up the grassy hills…:) Long trotting out brought some interesting reactions from both species, horses adapting somewhat quicker the the humans to this seemingly innocent enough task and we dwindled to 1/2 the group rising with the sun to repeat the next morning. And what a treat! The cool, sweet smelling pines and damp grasses swishing as our horses hooves beat out a regular cadence as we rode the grassland trails, up and down hills, through stands of aspen and finishing up by the misty lake and the call of the loons…almost a surreal morning. The last day was a competition of sorts involving a course with certain requirements and obstacles that participants had a bare exposure to at the outset. As well as being timed, marks were added for exceptional feel and awareness of their horses individual needs. To watch everyone get so soft and connected with their horses was astonishing! To see the expansion of Consciousness; for the slightest try, the softest ask, the most generous allow and the grace of knowing when a threshold of confidence had been reached.
What a group!

One last ride out , experimenting with ponying and all it entails which is such a powerful lesson and boy! It sure allows us to be clearly the leader and how it can give that all needed focus and intention to our riding, not to mention exercise to that second horse always left at home…. moving a few head of cattle, a splash in the lake and then the sad packing up, cleaning and loading all our toys and memories up…and off to our respective corners of the world again…. Thanks Roma and Keeper, Tracy and Mesa, Deb and Topper and Cheryl and Magic !