Flower Power

It was a thought form that drifted into my awareness early one morning as I was finishing up my 
yoga and ready to step into the chill Merritt morning to toss hay to my herd already staring
holes through the windows at me….but it demanded to be written. I wonder…where does this stuff come from?
Perhaps it came about through being pulled through the key hole backwards, you know, out of the fire for a little more hammering and finishing. Ah, the Grace of tension….
I’ve come to realize that a large portion of my life lesson homework package is about accepting and embracing my Power and I have been skipping out…alot. And so it was I was musing on this confounding piece of information that had been brought to me via one more pop quiz and assignment uncompleted when I had this very very cool metaphor wash through me.
 It went like this:
Not accepting all the good that flows into me by immediately sharing it to “empower” others or sharing your hard won and well deserved skill and knowledge before it has nurtured you is EXACTLY like not accepting a compliment. The energy just passes straight through you.
Think of a plant in a pot with over dry soil-the water when it comes, just flows right on through and the plant just barely gets enough, needs more right away and looks half starved and desperate. The problem occurs when we do not accept the nourishment(water, love,nurturing,energy…) that the Universe just pours out with ease and abundance. 
Would the plant ever put up an umbrella to keep out the water? Why do we, when we do something as ‘simple’ as deflect a compliment, or give to much of ourselves when we have not received the nurturing that is ours first by harboring a deep belief that we are not worthy of water…love…money…creativity…support…happiness…truth?

  I have been busy trading the universe’s gift to me of water for love and friendship, saying ‘no, I’m ok…I don’t need water’, sharing my ‘water’ ei. life force, time, energy, money skills, knowledge or love or maybe even taking other’s water in desperation, but the plant(me, in case you hadn’t worked that out) does not have to “be worthy”. “Do right”. “Deserve”. It just IS because it exists. 

That it is worthy is completely irrelevant.

Of course it is. And we are.  

Allow yourself to RECEIVE that which the Universe so easily shares and nurtures its creations. And so as the plant soaks up the water that flows to it with ease, joy and gratitude and the soil becomes rich and loamy, the plant….Blooms.

And right then and there it hit me square on the noggin. 

It’s not about sharing the WATER! Its about sharing the FLOWERS! 

It is not the WATER the plant needs to share…there is water enough for everyone, and indeed…it is the Universes job to provide the water. But, it is the unique, glorious, individual, beautiful FLOWERS that bring joy! What we grow into and become in all sorts of wondrous and unique ways THAT is our gift to share back with the world. WOW! No wonder I feel stripped, empty and dried out. I have been giving away my water and scraping by, barely shooting up a scraggly bloom from time to time…

Allow yourself to receive…Oh my God! This whole time I had it backwards! I assumed the order was to Give and then Receive…but it is
Because you are 
And then Give! 

You see when we little humans allow our egos to get in the way (cloaked nicely in humility, selflessness, spirituality, and martyrdom of course) and we somehow manage to convince ourselves that we are the Source of the water and doesn’t that just set us up for failure and a constant battle for control and quasi god-ness? Really? Who did I think I was trying to take over someone else’s job? No wonder the struggles, the seemingly hopelessness I’ve felt sometimes…my job is to be me. 
I am
I receive
I give. 
Of course we are worthy! We would not exist if we were not, so it does not even come into the question any longer. The Real question is    “Will you Receive?”
And accept with Grace, gratitude and allow yourself to bloom for it is our unique flower that is the truest expression of a Universe flowing in harmony and joy and creation. Allow others to see the beauty of your flowers, smell them…even have cut flowers in the kitchen, woven into the hair of our horses, flung up into a crazy blue sky. A healthy, happy growing plant just makes more, easy as pie.
Now, think about this. Sometimes the plant can become root bound, can’t retain any water, no more room to grow and again the water runs straight through, barely retaining any, requiring many frequent waterings even to survive. In this state we are constantly on the look out for our next feeding, sourcing out others energy again as we have no reserves of our own but this time because we have out grown where we are and have not yet ‘transplanted’ ourselves. Now what we need is a big, new empty pot (the unknown), lots of fresh dirt and fertilizer (usually a happy by-product of being stuck:), plenty of water ( Source and/or Self care) and pull ourselves up out of the old pot. Of course what often happens is we have left ourselves in that old pot FAR to long and have actually grown into the the fibre of the pot and can’t get pulled out. That’s when the pot needs to be shattered…
 To get us out, sometimes parts of us are ripped off, torn and we sure can have a set-back, get all wilted and have a hard time settling into the new pot. Hmmm, it’s pretty clear from this analogy that here is when we REALLY need self care, water, and thoughtful attention to help the adjustment…again the plant just receives. It cannot give at this cycle. But once the plant has adjusted, oh boy!
 Watch out! Just look at it grow now! Oh and was that tiny little buds I see popping up????  Ha! Might want to try re-potting a bit more often:) 
  Somehow, this epiphany has changed everything for me. To remember that the water is free, always available, joyously given of Source to nurture and feed us to bloom in a full and outrageously spectacular expression that is ours and ours alone, which then in return, feeds the world with all its glory…OUR Gift to share. 

Juego Del Duende

V Espada     Spanish/Portuguese Andalusian

What happens  when truly special black mare allows her human to 
Internet shop for a date for her? She finds a truly special White stallion
 and create a wondrous palomino Filly. (come on! Everybody knows white and black
makes yellow!  Sheesh)

“Saphiro”     Portuguese Luisitano

Meet Juego del Duende…


Juego del Duende     Purebred Andalusian S/P

Duende came into this world on a rainy morning, May23 2013. Right from the very first it was clear she had a mind all her
own and things were not to be controlled by the likes of a mere human mortal, such as I. I had so  carefully
planned the time of year so that it would be green, warm and DRY. ( It NEVER rains in Merritt, remember!) 
I had a tidy, safe pen built inside my herds pasture so mom and baby would be safe, yet still a part of the herd
while they got used to everything. Right….

‘spady was due on May 21st….On May 20th, the heavens opened up and it poured rain for three days straight turning all the pens, fields et al into soupy, slippery slimy messes! After a ton of head scratching, calls to my good friends up at Can a Mex farms (foal out a ton of TB’s every year) we decided to leave her in the field with her buddies as a best second.  So I awoke with a start on May 23rd. peered out the rain soaked window and as Erin was working with me at the time, I tossed a bucket of ice water on her and we both bolted out to the field where the herd was inspecting this tiny, damp, scrawny creature. Indy was trying to herd it away from poor ‘Spady and IV was standing guard whilst Cita was standing stock still from the shock of what was transpiring. We got all the potential Baby Tramplers squared away in the Mud Pen (too bad for them:) and scooted mama and Babe into the old barn in the field out of rain and began our inspection.

 Well now! With Saphiro a Cremello, and Espada true black, that left the only color option being Buckskin. Clearly that was not to be the case. We had us a baby palomino…and really? and what else would I have? I knew it was a boy and even sexed it at first that way, so imagine my surprise when he squatted and peed out the back end….What the Heck is going on here? LOL Welcome to the world, little one!

Espada has proven to be the most astonishingly good mother, tolerant, firm, sharing of her filly with visitors whose energy was good, and leading her away when she wasn’t comfortable. Completely at ease with the dogs and Sage in particular was fascinated and in love! Through out the entire process, ‘Spady has been a queen.!

 Choosing a name for the baby a daunting task that finally ended in Duende. Duende is believed to be the hardest word to translate form Spanish into English. Loosely it means ” the power of artist when creating their true souls art and it causes anyone witnessing that art to get goosebumps as a result” Or something like that.Usually linked to the bullfight or Flamenco dancing.  Google it and you will find Lorca’s Essay ” Teoria y Juego del Duende”The Theory and Play of Duende. Simply fascinating and is in the old Spanish/Andalusian dialect.  She so clearly is Duende! 

  We had been scheduled to do a Bridle Horse Demo at the Andalusian Show in July, and were all prepared, but 2 weeks before, Duende came up dead lame on her left hind and after a corse of antibiotics and wrapping, I made the decision to forego the show to not further stress it as it healed. So next year we try again! As you may have noticed, I shaved her mane and forelock off for the show. Spanish horses are presented shaved…even their tails…but I couldn’t make myself do that! It sure grew in thick and curly…its the BEST to ruffle your fingers through…:)

 Its now November and I made yet another decision to not wean until spring. With a single foal who has great manners and a stern mom who is slowly weaning her anyway I thought ” Why add stress?”  She ponies of Espada, leads around the yard by herself, has her feet done, brushes and is learning to tie. All in all….this has been a delight and after losing two foals with my old mare Mia, incredibly healing and rewarding for me. I feel so blessed and excited for our future….and pausing to consider all the “Airs Above the Ground” she now seems to be growing into….:) 

What a delight. What a journey. What a Gift….

What if?

Ever had one of those thoughts that you just kinda went…”Nah? Where did that come from?
You know, the ones that sneak out somehow through all those internal chatterbox, gear grinding, regurgative thoughts that sadly we mostly are not even aware that we run as an endless loop tape? Yeah those very cool thoughts. This one that I feel compelled to share tonight came a few years ago, whilst pondering life changes and feeling a certain degree of well, frankly…UTTER CHAOS! Somehow seems apropo for the times….

I suppose I feel the urge to share because we so often forget this simple truth and its inherent freedom and responsibility. 
But interestingly enough, our animals just know this to be true. They don’t stand around in their little herds pondering how to be a snazzier trotter then everyone else. Nor do they harbor small, nasty thoughts about the way so-and-so’s mane is always SUCH a mess! (ok…ok.Maybe I have heard Cita mention IV’s mane to ‘Spady a time or two) 
Nor do they belittle themselves when they missed that lead change. Or secretly wished they were a different color. Agonize over their past. Wish they were taller, slimmer….
 Nope, they simply Live in the Now…where we all do, but us ‘Egocentric’ humans well, we forget, beat ourselves up, compare ourselves favorably or unfavorably to others, second guess ourselves and just generally stop believing in our dreams. Why is that???? 
Oh to be more humble and learn from the Masters…..

What If?
   I am so Magnificent,
So Huge, So Powerful,
So Gentle, So Wise.
So Purely Divine?
What If?
What Then………?

The Un-covering….

”It’s impossible” said pride. “It’s risky” said experience. “It’s pointless” said reason. “Give it a try” whispered the heart – Anonymous
On the eve of the Winter Solstice, when its said that the Apocalypse will occur, my musings are certainly of a reflective nature. It’s infinity fascinating that the word Apocalypse is  Ancient Greek for “the un-covering”. I would have to say that has been a theme in my world of late, digging down into my beliefs and patterns, examining my dreams, longings and  aspirations. Those of you that know me, know that for as long as I can remember I have had two Big loves in life, Horses and Art. These two things have filled with both immeasurable Joy and Challenge. I am sifting through big ole belief systems around the fact that neither of them can earn you money and if you do, you will end up hating them. Its kinda cool that I look at that belief  with eyes of ‘now’ and see the fallacy in them,but deep childhood ingrained unconscious beliefs can die a painfully slow death.
 I feel an incredible gratitude for being able to have not only survived, but thrived off daring to believe that I can have a rich and abundant career from my love of of horses and granted I feel I will never tire, nor ease to desire to grow and learn and still find every moment spent with these creatures mind-blowing and humbling, I have (much to my surprise often times)managed to accomplish a solid toe-hold on a Grand Life Lived with Horses. 
There is this Other Piece.
My Art. And yep, I know horses are Art. Absolutely. And I have no intention whatsoever to stop that aspect of my souls work………….but….
My Art has laid dormant for years. Well, ok. Its actually gone on some great long train and unicycle journey somewhere far more interesting then hanging out. Looking at it now, Gee, must have been about…’98 was the last real time I created anything along these lines. Yeah. Been awhile.Every year its been the same; something like ” I’ll have all this time in the winter and I’ll do art then” and, oh it just never happens. I have become aware that I am the master of keeping Busy, with a capital B…and this huge denied piece of me goes nu-nurtured. I made a solemn vow this fall that I WOULD sculpt this winter and even enlisted the aid of a Life Coach to keep me accountable. Drastic? Yep, had to be. Horses and Art are who I am and they truly are one and the same in my reality.
Why am I sharing this? Because it scares the ever lovin’ poop outa me to go Public with this. Its a big step, but its where I am going in the future and to be honest? I am so excited! I am learning to surrender and to embrace all that I am and daring to  allow myself to go for the Big Dream.  Lodestar’s meaning is after all…”guiding light, inspiration”. I would be remiss if I was constantly encouraging people to “Live Your Dreams!” and I shirked my own.
So, here is my first clay for bronze sculpture. My inner critic sees all sorts of things wrong with it here, but….I know and see how he will look finished and I have been so so so amazed and immersed in the process……………what a rush! My one only real compliant is IT TO SMALL!!!! Far to hard to get in there with my sticky lil fingers and do what I want, but….patience and learning. The next one will be substantially bigger…yet this one…..this one is special beyond everything. 
                                                                                                He is the my First Born after a very long and trauma and drama ridden pregnancy and as such, deserves much tolerance and my utmost respect.