The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do. ~Author Unknown
Whether you think you can or think you can’t – you are right. ~Henry Ford
Every now and then a horse shares with me a powerful lesson, yet another piece of the Grand Puzzle of Life….Ok! Ok! That’s EVERY horse, I know, but this is Quill’s gift to me, and handily enough, my gift back to her… Quill came to me as a ‘Fixer-upper’. She is a sporty model, being Anglo-Arab, a little to touchy on the gas with hair trigger steering responses that could get you in the ditch quick as you like. At 12, she was a bit was rusty in spots and needed some good ole TLC. So, she spent her first couple months gaining some weight, having her teeth done and just hanging out, 
my time still to occupied with other ‘paying’ customers, and she sat on the back shelf for a bit. Very respectful and easy in the pen, sensible, quiet and a bit shy, great ground manners, every inch a Lady. So it was with curiosity, anticipation and a fairly high level of, er……….assumption, that I brushed her off and prepared to ride. Well………. Well Well Well! She shortened in length to 2 feet, grew in height by 4 feet, sounded like a bull elk, and looked like I had just hit her with the full strength cattle prod; eyes pooped out, skin trembling, legs spread askew, hair all on end. Well, huh! I glanced down to see if I had brought out the Killer, Sabre Toothed Saddle Pad, but noooooooo, it was till on it’s shelf, this was just one of those ordinary, smelly wool pads… And so
began a long process of back tracking and simply ( simply!) restarting her from ropes on her body( check), 
bareback ( Huge fear response, no matter how slow and approachy/retreaty I went, bolting off a constant threat..or ejecting me) , ‘sacking out’ (ok), and back to saddling( same electrified cat response). So. Well. By now, I am seriously scratching my head, as colts are WAY easier then this and this horse was supposed to have been ridden lots, and even if she was green, it ought to be ok by now…..huh, huh, huh. what to do what to do……. Well, Fate took a hold, and she was now living
in the Big Herd, and decided that 5 days a week work was getting a bit old, and decided to run around for a spell (sticking her tongue out, waggling her hooves behind her ears I swear:) with no intentions whatsoever of being with me. Very INTERESTING Feedback, very interesting.So after do a splendid job of warming herself up, she finally trots over, and 
and tie her, brush her, tack her ( electric cat!) and get on.( ever been on and electrified cat….hahahaha!)
And this my friends, is really where our tale with the moral begins. What did I do when I climbed on that Grey rocket launcher? I took that energy inside, and took that mecate rope in hand and as the cowboys have been known to say.” Give ‘er a good over an’ under” ( GASP!) and lined her out down the road.
And Quill? She just threw down that head and trotted out the prettiest long trot you ever did see, blowing and sneezing, smooth and elastic. Gone the tight balled up tiny steps, crawly skin, and rounded up spine. We had a tremendous ride that first day almost a month ago, and now almost a month later, Quill is finding relaxation with me, confidence in herself and rider and although 
she is not where I would like yet, the change is significant. You see the interesting thing that happened was a place I think alot of folks get stuck in their journey with horses, especially those who LOVE them…:) As you my have noticed, I am all about the allow, give trust first to gain trust, respect is a two way door, etc. and It all fits in here with Quill’s story. 
“Confidence can be a self fulfilling prophecy as those without it may fail or not try because they lack it and those with it may succeed because they have it rather than because of an innate ability.”
Faith and trust are synonyms of confidence.
What’s perhaps a little different is the order, and being flexible with how we approach things. Its sort of like approaching her fear from the other end, and seing it through to the beginning again. ( That’s the nice thing about not having a ‘program’, I can mess with things to my heart’s content:) You see Quill had no confidence. In Me. In herself. In a mutual relationship. She either had a bad experience/s in the past, was sore ( she had chiro and teeth done, saddle fit checked) or just figured out that if she acted scared, she did not have to engage with folks….and it did not make her feel good to be with us anyway, for her why even want to? Quill had way more Fear then Faith. 
So, remembering that our horses are never the ones that really chose to be involved with humans and my role in being the leader is to show her what it can feel like, and supporting her with what she needed allowing her to feel basically good about being me. So with all the slow work, all important ‘doing nothing’ , combined with the ground work, it was time to step it up. I had to be the one with Faith enough for both of us. Faith in her ability to trust and Faith in my ability to be a place of comfort, trust relaxation and connection, not to mention stay with her…:) 
So what happened and still is happening is I am allowing her to build confidence and trust in me by having Alot in her and myself. “Fake it til you make it” so to speak. I am the crutch she needs, and to NOT be there, to Not be focused strong and clear would leave her still lost and scared, feeling she was right and could only depend upon herself. By ALMOST over-exposing her ( and let me tell you, kids, it was a stretch for my confidence!) and really asking a lot of her, emotionally physically and mentally, and being able to be what she needed allowed a huge break thru. By having more Faith then Fear, I was able to ease her over from her place of more Fear then Faith.
In mulling all this over during the last few days, I stumbled upon a terrific saying that said exactly that ( how very odd! *)
“Where there is Fear, there is no Faith” Oh BoY! mmmmm yummy! course now I get apply that quote ointment all over my life and horsemanship… And then when I was sitting here compiling my random blathering thoughts for this tale, I found all those great quotes on Confidence and the definition of confidence was a real epiphany for me as well. By the way, when Quill first got the name Quill, Inet thought it was bad…”Like a porcupine quill? Ew! but now, I can see that what it really means is ‘ a very elegant writing tool from the outer wing feather of the swan’ somehow that seems just so appropo… .
Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. And lo, no one was there. ~Author Unknown
