Making Allowances

Its an odd fringe benefit of endlessly picking horse poo, that it becomes a sacred time of meditation and introspection. I suppose its the repetitive action that slows my brain down into this state of contemplation, proving once again how everything we do with horses is Zen and compels us to be in the Now.
The other morning I was reflecting on my life and the inevitable ups and downs and how relationships come and go through our lives, always effecting us, always changing us in varying degrees, when I stumbled upon the words, ‘Make and Allow’. Now this pair of words have been around in my life for sometime now in the context of horses, but I had somehow missed placing the filter over my own life. Hmmmmmmmmm That was a VERY revealing and interesting poo picking morning!

Make and Allow……try this little exercise today…see how often you say/think/use the word make in your life. Become aware of how often we are inclined to want to ‘make’ things happen.. We make the bed, make lunch, make our work on time, make do, make much of the traffic, make plans, make decisions, make the coffee, make sure everyone is ok, make the light, make next years budget, make sense out of the instructions, make up for the day you took off, make copies, make a list,make the feed store on the way home, make sure homework is done, make allowances for, make dinner, make a couple calls, make time for loved ones………..make time for a ride.
Now, I sure noticed a whole lot of ‘make ‘ in my day to day life, and then I like to believe that I am not like that with my horses, but, truly, it begs the question of ‘How could I NOT be with all that make in the rest of my life?’

So I thought and felt about the word ‘Allow’ and tried to come up with my own description of its meaning. For me it has such a potent combination of leadership with permissiveness. There is a sense of willingness to experiment with freedom, but with a connection to responsibility. hmmmmmmmm very interesting! I then tried to see how often I allowed myself during the day….sadly the answer was strong feedback for me and I have begun a shift of perception. Make comes from a base of Force, and Allow from a base of Power…..…Allow has trust in it, trust of self, trust of horse, trust of life, trust of the Universe. Make has control in it, control of self, control of horse, control of life, control of the Universe (hahahaha)

As this whole concept applies to horses, Make and Allow enables me to continue to refine my awareness and response-ability to the slightest try. It allows (!) me to be more forgiving. It allows for greater lateral thinking. It allows for error. It allows for greater self expression and exuberance. It allows for establishing boundaries and clarity of intention. I find as soon as I begin to shift into even the teensiest bit of ‘make’….a fight begins. If I continue along these rigid lines of thinking its ‘my way or the highway’, emotional sweat starts, relaxation is forsaken, tension escalates, learning halts as survival begins to kick in, and ultimately the relationship is damaged. The level of reaction tends to be in equilibrium with the amount of make force applied, but make (!) no mistake, a certain amount of callous will develop, rapport lost. …. Something as simple as not being aware enough to realize that the hoof you wish to pick up is weighted, and you apply more force to ‘make’ Mr. Un-cooperative to pick up his dang foot not only dulls his respect for you, but teaches him that you do not have a clue and simply allowing him the moment to shift his weight allows everyone to be respected and working together….(Thanks for the example, Lauren!)
Some horses, depending upon their innate personality can deal with certain amounts of make and adjust, but I guarantee you that the trust level has been lowered and you are on your way to becoming a tyrant ‘force‘ leader. The horse may have a great deal of respect for you, but it is beginning to blend further into fear, respect’s closest neighbor. The horse is a holistic system, as we all are, and if make goes on long enough, and the horse has learnt how to “wear” the pressure, we begin to see health and/or behavioral issues. Plenty of sore backs, lameness, respiratory issues, cribbing, weaving can likely be traced to tension, fear, uncertainty and lack of trust because they were made to do something they were not comfortable with, confused about, not allowed the time to think about, or given any option for choice.

When we interact with a horse,I believe our goal is Balance, as are most things in life, and I have also discovered that allowing and indicating a thought/direction/movement and shaping it gently, taking what is offered and having the flexibility and imagination necessary to not criticize, to allow a sense of rightness in the horse, they begin to turn more and more loose to use, and allow us to shape their behavior into our goals, as long as they are allowed expression, comfort, freedom, positive responses and respect. As we allow our horses to accept responsibility, and relinquish trying to ‘make’ them, startling things begin to happen to us……………. Just think about allowing a lead change. Allowing a balanced stop. Allowing a horse to tie well. Allowing them to have a good trailering experience. Allow yourselves to experiment. With your selves, your loved ones, the guy in the car cutting you off, your fears, your goals, and of course your horses. Allow yourself to screw up, get it all wrong. Allow your horse to get it wrong, and then allow him the chance to find the right answer and allow him to feel good. Allow forgiveness and humility, allow patience and generosity of time. Allow yourself to be present with your horse. Allow softness, collection and grace………

What on earth do WE have to learn to shift our perceptions and methods to enable this to happen????

How fascinating……..