Tag: softness

I Give Up.

Posted on by Stefanie in Blog

Part of my goals for this year for myself include allowing myself to release judgment.
Judgment to me means ” what I perceive to be ‘right’ according to my opinion”. My awareness of judgment includes that of myself, what I believe others think of me and my actions, what I see in others and their actions, daily events including weather, random occurrences, un-planned changes ( well, ANY changes, really)right on up to how my life is unfolding….

I know, I know. At first this seems like a BIG thing to decide to chew off, and Let Go of, but actually, therein lies the secret. I am beginning to explore the concept of Letting Go ( ack! Surrender, Faith….et al) . I am rolling it around in my being and have done somewhat since the Old Clearmind Days…( Personal Growth exploration I did a few eons, er, years back clearmind.com if you are curious about yourself and your tickings and are either brave or stupid….:) but for some reason it is really starting to become in earnest.

For example…..having chosen to follow my dreams and pursue what I love doing as a career, and essentially had only myself to rely upon, I have found myself to become rather ATTACHED to the out come of events in my life. I have worried and fussed and stayed up late far to many nights, anguished about decisions on how to go about developing my work and living in abject fear that no one would care, apprectiate or “get” what I am passionate about. ( Note….do you see alot of jugement in those thoughts???????????) .And then one day I just got so overwhelmed with Everything, I up and decided that if everything Failed, I would just happily go back back to some grocery store job, and ride my own horses to my hearts content and never worrry about it all again and I went OH! OH! But that’s giving up!………………………………And then………….
It hit me.

Give up. Give up…. For those of you familiar with my fascination with words hidden meanings are probably rolling your eyes, but…When we say I Give up, I believe we mean without maybe knowing, that we are surrendering ourselves to….a Higher Power. We Give UP. Wow! That realization hit me bango! right between the eyes and I got it! I really, really got “it”! THAT is what Faith is. That is what Trust is. That is what Surrender is. (Please note, that while I am not a particularly religious person, I am on a quest of my higher spirituality)(( hahahaha! Am I judging myself? Or worried about You Judging????)) And a stunningly beautiful peace descended on me and I went ‘ wow! What ever happens will be ok. It just will. It always HAS worked out, so what am I worrying and fussing about, and REALLY! haven’t you noticed that things usually work out better then you could have hoped for anyway??????????? Or planned for? Or wished for? Why oh why do we think we have such a big say in what happens in our lives, that we are so powerful that we can Control everything and everyone and shape ourselves into any number of twisted shapes to try to conform, when really….our deal is just to be ourselves, do what we love, show love and be happy. Stop all that confounded control stuff…that word could happily be dismissed from life I think…..and this leads me back to my point. ….

Judgment and release from it. Ah. So how many times have we passed judgment on something/someone only to find in the end it was different then what we thought. We got more information, learn more bout it, things changed, and everything is different and….we judge again. But if we start to maybe just allow things to be as they will, they get to be as they are….! And we stop trying to be the Lords and controllers of all we see, because darn it all if I haven’t noticed that those thing we think are “Bad”? Well, now aren’t they always….ALWAYS the biggest blessings down the road? And things we try so darn hard to control seems to pop apart elsewhere? How dare I be so arrogant as to assume that I can see other peoples stories? What other people see and feel? How dare I try to pigeon-hole a horse into what every other horse has done in that situation…maybe this ones different and needs it presented just a little different and to respect everyone’s uniqueness? It seems to me that if I do judge, I put up blockages in the path of the Universe that is really conspiring for me to my my biggest benefit, and I think I know What is really juuuust around the corner?

What I aim at allowing to come through me with letting go of judgment is a greater ease and softness, a flowing with life, horses, people and myself instead of the friction of going against the flow…………..I am aiming at is trust, faith and joy. And don’t we just need to be with our animals to see and feel what no judgment and pure being-ness could be………

PS photos that I didn’t take, are courtesy of Inet Sladecek…and although she isn’t here to ask, I am certain that she withholds all judgment and knows I love her pics….:)!

Making Allowances

Posted on by Stefanie in Uncategorized


Its an odd fringe benefit of endlessly picking horse poo, that it becomes a sacred time of meditation and introspection. I suppose its the repetitive action that slows my brain down into this state of contemplation, proving once again how everything we do with horses is Zen and compels us to be in the Now.
The other morning I was reflecting on my life and the inevitable ups and downs and how relationships come and go through our lives, always effecting us, always changing us in varying degrees, when I stumbled upon the words, ‘Make and Allow’. Now this pair of words have been around in my life for sometime now in the context of horses, but I had somehow missed placing the filter over my own life. Hmmmmmmmmm That was a VERY revealing and interesting poo picking morning!

Make and Allow……try this little exercise today…see how often you say/think/use the word make in your life. Become aware of how often we are inclined to want to ‘make’ things happen.. We make the bed, make lunch, make our work on time, make do, make much of the traffic, make plans, make decisions, make the coffee, make sure everyone is ok, make the light, make next years budget, make sense out of the instructions, make up for the day you took off, make copies, make a list,make the feed store on the way home, make sure homework is done, make allowances for, make dinner, make a couple calls, make time for loved ones………..make time for a ride.
Now, I sure noticed a whole lot of ‘make ‘ in my day to day life, and then I like to believe that I am not like that with my horses, but, truly, it begs the question of ‘How could I NOT be with all that make in the rest of my life?’

So I thought and felt about the word ‘Allow’ and tried to come up with my own description of its meaning. For me it has such a potent combination of leadership with permissiveness. There is a sense of willingness to experiment with freedom, but with a connection to responsibility. hmmmmmmmm very interesting! I then tried to see how often I allowed myself during the day….sadly the answer was strong feedback for me and I have begun a shift of perception. Make comes from a base of Force, and Allow from a base of Power…..…Allow has trust in it, trust of self, trust of horse, trust of life, trust of the Universe. Make has control in it, control of self, control of horse, control of life, control of the Universe (hahahaha)

As this whole concept applies to horses, Make and Allow enables me to continue to refine my awareness and response-ability to the slightest try. It allows (!) me to be more forgiving. It allows for greater lateral thinking. It allows for error. It allows for greater self expression and exuberance. It allows for establishing boundaries and clarity of intention. I find as soon as I begin to shift into even the teensiest bit of ‘make’….a fight begins. If I continue along these rigid lines of thinking its ‘my way or the highway’, emotional sweat starts, relaxation is forsaken, tension escalates, learning halts as survival begins to kick in, and ultimately the relationship is damaged. The level of reaction tends to be in equilibrium with the amount of make force applied, but make (!) no mistake, a certain amount of callous will develop, rapport lost. …. Something as simple as not being aware enough to realize that the hoof you wish to pick up is weighted, and you apply more force to ‘make’ Mr. Un-cooperative to pick up his dang foot not only dulls his respect for you, but teaches him that you do not have a clue and simply allowing him the moment to shift his weight allows everyone to be respected and working together….(Thanks for the example, Lauren!)
Some horses, depending upon their innate personality can deal with certain amounts of make and adjust, but I guarantee you that the trust level has been lowered and you are on your way to becoming a tyrant ‘force‘ leader. The horse may have a great deal of respect for you, but it is beginning to blend further into fear, respect’s closest neighbor. The horse is a holistic system, as we all are, and if make goes on long enough, and the horse has learnt how to “wear” the pressure, we begin to see health and/or behavioral issues. Plenty of sore backs, lameness, respiratory issues, cribbing, weaving can likely be traced to tension, fear, uncertainty and lack of trust because they were made to do something they were not comfortable with, confused about, not allowed the time to think about, or given any option for choice.

When we interact with a horse,I believe our goal is Balance, as are most things in life, and I have also discovered that allowing and indicating a thought/direction/movement and shaping it gently, taking what is offered and having the flexibility and imagination necessary to not criticize, to allow a sense of rightness in the horse, they begin to turn more and more loose to use, and allow us to shape their behavior into our goals, as long as they are allowed expression, comfort, freedom, positive responses and respect. As we allow our horses to accept responsibility, and relinquish trying to ‘make’ them, startling things begin to happen to us……………. Just think about allowing a lead change. Allowing a balanced stop. Allowing a horse to tie well. Allowing them to have a good trailering experience. Allow yourselves to experiment. With your selves, your loved ones, the guy in the car cutting you off, your fears, your goals, and of course your horses. Allow yourself to screw up, get it all wrong. Allow your horse to get it wrong, and then allow him the chance to find the right answer and allow him to feel good. Allow forgiveness and humility, allow patience and generosity of time. Allow yourself to be present with your horse. Allow softness, collection and grace………

What on earth do WE have to learn to shift our perceptions and methods to enable this to happen????

How fascinating……..

Spanish Monday

Posted on by Stefanie in Blog

Monday’s are not known for there stellar qualities as a rule. They tend to suffer from a certain lack of enthusiasm and generally rate fairly low on most people’s “Favorite Day of the Week’ List, so in light of that, felt that it was pretty much my duty to throw some excitement into the most humblest day of the week. Enter……( Ta-da-da da!)…….Espada!
Espada is my 7 yr. Andalusian/ Lusitano mare and to say I adore her would be a gross under-statement. Now just glancing at her portrait at the left to us, one could be deceived into thinking she was…..plain. She has been called a few less then glamorous names,but that is part of the beauty of the Lusitano. Just standin’ around in the field....well one COULD be forgiven to think they were plain, but under saddle? No- one in their right mind would think to call that fabulous bull-fighter, ‘Merlin’ plain! And so it goes with Espada. This is a great shot to see her name sake blaze….a perfect sword, and her battle mare heritage is not far from the surface, that’s for sure. Fierce, brave, crazy sensitive and expressive, she is pure undiluted Latin passion. Espada couldn’t play Poker to save her life (even if she had opossable thumbs)….EVERYTHING is written all over her entire body what she feels and thinks. Just climbing on her back immediately glues a Big Ole Happy grin on my mug….all the flash and dash and skirt-twirling and its like I have a mariachi band following us along.
Does this make her one of the COOLEST ever horses to be with? Well, for me…. Yeah! ‘Spady and me have shared a long, long journey together, and she is truly a gift for me. How she has changed my approach to horses and horsemanship is massive, and I credit her with softening me, the value of non-resistance training…for the human, and of course feel, feel, feel…..sigh!
And today was just another chapter opening up, and I am playing with the incredibly sensitive tuning of our relationship and how vastly my body effects hers…I mean I always try to be aware of what I am doing up there, but this! This is a whole other level again! All we were doing was loose reining it along the top property, and I was steering her with my weight and focus, but if I picked up a soft feel, and played around with the muscles in my back, and tiny hip rotations, shifts in weight…everything changed. Its like having a bio-feedback machine that talks to you about atoms….molecules of change and viola! Oh Boy..this is going to be some kind of learning curve again and ups the level of awareness, responsibility, response- ability, subtly, finesse and ohhhhhh yippe! Part of me can’t wait for spring now to get going in the ring again, and faster work, but of course, everything happens in its perfect place and time and its winter. Ice and slippery ground forces me to stay slow, feel, absorb and integrate and build gradually, getting it right first, fast later. Oh, ok! It just never really ceases to amaze me who aware our horses are. How perceptive to their environment, what they are interacting with, and how they constantly adjust to every new situation. Their sensitivity is awe inspiring……and I have the nerve to believe it is me doing the training?????????????????

“Orville Wright didn’t have a pilot’s license.” Richard Tate

Emotional Yoga

Posted on by Stefanie in Blog

Today started out weird. You know, one of thooooooosse days! Days when you wonder what you are, what you really know, why the dream means so much, how to make it all make sense and just feeling sorta overwhelmed by it all. You know….one of those days. And so with far to many thoughts spiraling around and around in my noodle, I spend a good chunk of my morning with my new friend, the spade. Now, never underestimate the handiness of a spade when you need to chip half frozen horse poop out of the ice it has become one with and then Mr. Poo Fork is happy to do the scooping once it has become dislodged. Oh! When will it snow again! Winter’s not over by a long shot here, and I muse pensively on the fact that I will soon be going through this icy time again.
Happily, this meditative therapy slows the incessant chatter down in my head somewhat as I grab my friends Carson and Gumby out, and prepare them for what I envision to be an interesting, yet promising ride. I think about what I am planning for this ride as I wait for Gumby to soften and lower his head and accept the bit, deciding on who to ride out, and how best to set it up for all of us to win and gain confidence. Hmmmmmmm Ride Gumby out, pony Carson, switch for the return home. Yep, that’s the ticket.
There are a few things that could be fairly big tests on this sort of an excursion, so allow me a moment to expand. Both of these horses have had prior tendencies to over-react to higher stress intensity situations, one by bolting, the other by bucking. Ponying someone is a trigger still for Gumby, having to deal with another horse’s energy and their pressure that close to him are tough. Also we will be going past a long time fear spot (Land of Horrifying Irrigation Systems). Carson is very, very aware of other horse energy, and this is something for him to be with Gumby’s BIG energy and tension, and they do not really know one another real well. So, I feel they are both ready for this test, and I want them to succeed, gain confidence in themselves and what they can handle, and to know, they have to be exposed.
Out they drive we go, Gum walking out at his crazy fast walk, and Carson has to trot to keep up, immediately setting a tone for the ride, and kicking up the tension. We get past the calves, and I keep feeling for Gum, and he keeps feeling back to me for a moment and two, and then he gets gone again. I am trying to keep Carson in position, jockeying the two two horses around, checking back Gumby, pushing Carson out and back again, and feeling myself get wrapped tighter as well as I try to do too much.

I call a halt, exhale and sit.

Gumby, bless his heart, sighs and waits for me to get my head straight, and I realize, that my first obligation is to him. We are connected, I am riding him, and he needs to be my focus and I need to be with him so he can be with me.

Right. Off we go. Now I am feeling him, moving with him instead of trying to control him, just matching him and gently re-guiding his energy, softly being with just him. And that’s all it took. Yes, he still got a bit rattled by Carson jogging beside him, but he would settle as I asked, and this is simply an ENORMOUS change. previously He would get tighter and tighter wound, more removed from the human, very disconnected and worried. At the Hwy. I stopped again and ended with a lovely series of blows from Gumby, before I hopped off and switched horses around…on to Carson.
Now Carson up to this point has been fairly tense, jogging along and feeling somewhat removed from what the two of us were doing, so I took my time to connect a bit on the ground, asking him to back a step, and soften his head for me, making sure he stood solidly for mounting. As we set off towards home, I knew he had alot to deal with, Gumby’s excess energy fed into him, facing home, 6 horses in the field he has never seen before, and the three dogs crashing down the banks. I can feel his tension; in his skin, through his muscles under me, and in the air around us. So I make sure I am grounded and relaxed, confident in him, and being with him, give a rub and ‘line out my friend, lets go home’……………..and he does. As we near the field of horses, and his attention goes that way, I softly ask him back, and repeat about five times, he sighs and ignores them. Just being aware and gently redirecting before it goes too far is all it took to have him stay with me and avoid a potential situation. The rest of the way in, he is blowing and carrying his head and neck low, and swinging the reins in a great long walk.
My heart swells with pride in my two boys and the absolutely terrific changes they are making, their strength of confidence and trust in one another we have, and their ability to have their emotional elastics stretched and relax again. This was a big emotional test for all of us today, and I realize now that that is what makes us all stronger and more fit. If we did not have these things that come along and test our wills, our inner resources, our faith and trust in self and what is guiding us, we would never grow, never change, never improve……….

I leave you with one of my favorite quotes……..

“We acquire the strength of that which we overcome.” Ralph Waldo Emerson