Tag: awareness

The Spaces In-between.

Posted on by Stefanie in Uncategorized

In my quest for a deeper understanding of myself and striving for self guruing ( is that even a word?…hmmmm. It is now…:) I swim constantly through a sea of spiritually inclined books and dvd’s ( no regular t.v. here at Chateau Dot Ranch) Philosophy and the concept of Consciousness fascinates me. Quantum physics showing us once and for all what the great spiritual teachings have long said, that we are all linked, all connected, and matter as we know it really does not even exist, it appears to us essentially as a hologram – a kind of consensual reality, if you will.

I mean really! How cool is that? Everything is ‘the spaces in-between…..! And why, oh why do I even bring this up here in my horsey Blog? Well, as we all know, life is also a constant metaphor, and…… let’s just apply this to our horses, shall we!?

It is one of my more challenging routines. To spend at least a few moments in the day in mediation……. and no, not just scooping poop. I mean being still, quiet, centered and receptive. I have read some about the truly phenomenal benefits of meditation, and I wish to allow it more into my life, but a few things here have grabbed my attention. They say ( they? I really want to meet ‘them’ one day) that meditation is getting into the gap between thoughts. And when we are nothing short of a constant stream of often nonsensical ramblings, (and often of such an old stagnant variety they are on the old 8-track tape…..) this is actually quit a feat. The spaces in-between….. I love the saying that prayer is talking to Source and meditation is listening…..hmmmm And what are we all so much better at?

So………………what do you suppose we are so much better at with our horses? Bingo! Talking to them. Telling them where to go, when to do it, how fast, what not to do, what foot to pick up, go over there, stay on a circle, trrroooot….and on and on we go.And not only that, but we come to our horses with our brains just a yammering away in our skulls, a million random thoughts firing out like on the 1st of July. You think for a moment that the horses aren’t aware of our ‘busy brain’? And that we are not present and available for mutual conversation ( that means both ways folks…:)? And we have the nerve to say….” Oh Blaze just isn’t connecting today!” To what! a static machine…..? There is no space for them to be sometimes.

I really am getting fascinated with listening and watching for and allowing the spaces in-between. That’s where mindfulness comes in. Awareness. Being-ness. Quietness. Feeling. Shaping up what is presented. This entire concept has such far reaching implications and happily dove tails right into our Allow concept.

Allow me to expand a bit…..The spaces in-between are everywhere. Literally and figuratively, they are the precious spots where magic unfolds and the real juicy life happens…:) When we are working towards a goal and things just are not happening fast enough for us…it is a space in-between. This is where we learn things like Patience. Grace. Acceptance. Disappointment sometimes; but always leading to more growth. When Lauren ‘hit the wall’ with Chief, and allowed him whatever time he needed to just be…..no plans, no training, no responsibilities and now he is a changed horse. The spaces in-between. ( You simply HAVE to share his story one day LF!)

When I am asking for a maneuver when riding, I try to allow a space for them to find. A kind of air pocket, that they just slid into, almost a feeling I have for them to find. I do this through tiny ask and releases, encouraging them with clues of comfort. It also happens when they give their all and after a whopping 3 minutes in the ring, a beautiful piece I have been searching for appears for a moment. We quit for the day, and guess what? Some how, in the space in-between then and the next day, it has gotten bigger, better and more visible. The space in-between when you ask for the downward transition and softly hold that space and allow it to flow down, and then into the other lead. No tension, no brace…..Magic!

Sometimes on a long journey to a heart felt goal, things can get boggy and frustrating, tied up and knotted and we just want it so bad…. this is when I am learning to just Let Go and allow the spaces in-between to just be. It will all work out perfectly, and even better if I can keep my sticky little hands off the controls (!) for awhile. This seems to be especially true of things that are yucky, and difficult to deal with. Likely we are trying to hard ( never a good thing – try soft) and need to back off. Wait. allow. Be still. Nature works in a rhythm of ebb and flow, active and inactive, give and receive. We seem to get so insistent on gettin’ er done. About achieving and completing and getting the result and the goal. Considering that death is the ultimate result, I say we opt for the spaces in-between and the glory of the journey.

I guess the spaces in-between means to me that we are allowing the universe a place in which to come. A place in which to flow through. A place to be. A place where we are able to listen……..at least for a few moments a day.

Making Allowances

Posted on by Stefanie in Uncategorized


Its an odd fringe benefit of endlessly picking horse poo, that it becomes a sacred time of meditation and introspection. I suppose its the repetitive action that slows my brain down into this state of contemplation, proving once again how everything we do with horses is Zen and compels us to be in the Now.
The other morning I was reflecting on my life and the inevitable ups and downs and how relationships come and go through our lives, always effecting us, always changing us in varying degrees, when I stumbled upon the words, ‘Make and Allow’. Now this pair of words have been around in my life for sometime now in the context of horses, but I had somehow missed placing the filter over my own life. Hmmmmmmmmm That was a VERY revealing and interesting poo picking morning!

Make and Allow……try this little exercise today…see how often you say/think/use the word make in your life. Become aware of how often we are inclined to want to ‘make’ things happen.. We make the bed, make lunch, make our work on time, make do, make much of the traffic, make plans, make decisions, make the coffee, make sure everyone is ok, make the light, make next years budget, make sense out of the instructions, make up for the day you took off, make copies, make a list,make the feed store on the way home, make sure homework is done, make allowances for, make dinner, make a couple calls, make time for loved ones………..make time for a ride.
Now, I sure noticed a whole lot of ‘make ‘ in my day to day life, and then I like to believe that I am not like that with my horses, but, truly, it begs the question of ‘How could I NOT be with all that make in the rest of my life?’

So I thought and felt about the word ‘Allow’ and tried to come up with my own description of its meaning. For me it has such a potent combination of leadership with permissiveness. There is a sense of willingness to experiment with freedom, but with a connection to responsibility. hmmmmmmmm very interesting! I then tried to see how often I allowed myself during the day….sadly the answer was strong feedback for me and I have begun a shift of perception. Make comes from a base of Force, and Allow from a base of Power…..…Allow has trust in it, trust of self, trust of horse, trust of life, trust of the Universe. Make has control in it, control of self, control of horse, control of life, control of the Universe (hahahaha)

As this whole concept applies to horses, Make and Allow enables me to continue to refine my awareness and response-ability to the slightest try. It allows (!) me to be more forgiving. It allows for greater lateral thinking. It allows for error. It allows for greater self expression and exuberance. It allows for establishing boundaries and clarity of intention. I find as soon as I begin to shift into even the teensiest bit of ‘make’….a fight begins. If I continue along these rigid lines of thinking its ‘my way or the highway’, emotional sweat starts, relaxation is forsaken, tension escalates, learning halts as survival begins to kick in, and ultimately the relationship is damaged. The level of reaction tends to be in equilibrium with the amount of make force applied, but make (!) no mistake, a certain amount of callous will develop, rapport lost. …. Something as simple as not being aware enough to realize that the hoof you wish to pick up is weighted, and you apply more force to ‘make’ Mr. Un-cooperative to pick up his dang foot not only dulls his respect for you, but teaches him that you do not have a clue and simply allowing him the moment to shift his weight allows everyone to be respected and working together….(Thanks for the example, Lauren!)
Some horses, depending upon their innate personality can deal with certain amounts of make and adjust, but I guarantee you that the trust level has been lowered and you are on your way to becoming a tyrant ‘force‘ leader. The horse may have a great deal of respect for you, but it is beginning to blend further into fear, respect’s closest neighbor. The horse is a holistic system, as we all are, and if make goes on long enough, and the horse has learnt how to “wear” the pressure, we begin to see health and/or behavioral issues. Plenty of sore backs, lameness, respiratory issues, cribbing, weaving can likely be traced to tension, fear, uncertainty and lack of trust because they were made to do something they were not comfortable with, confused about, not allowed the time to think about, or given any option for choice.

When we interact with a horse,I believe our goal is Balance, as are most things in life, and I have also discovered that allowing and indicating a thought/direction/movement and shaping it gently, taking what is offered and having the flexibility and imagination necessary to not criticize, to allow a sense of rightness in the horse, they begin to turn more and more loose to use, and allow us to shape their behavior into our goals, as long as they are allowed expression, comfort, freedom, positive responses and respect. As we allow our horses to accept responsibility, and relinquish trying to ‘make’ them, startling things begin to happen to us……………. Just think about allowing a lead change. Allowing a balanced stop. Allowing a horse to tie well. Allowing them to have a good trailering experience. Allow yourselves to experiment. With your selves, your loved ones, the guy in the car cutting you off, your fears, your goals, and of course your horses. Allow yourself to screw up, get it all wrong. Allow your horse to get it wrong, and then allow him the chance to find the right answer and allow him to feel good. Allow forgiveness and humility, allow patience and generosity of time. Allow yourself to be present with your horse. Allow softness, collection and grace………

What on earth do WE have to learn to shift our perceptions and methods to enable this to happen????

How fascinating……..

Gift Horse…..

Posted on by Stefanie in Blog


Meet Gumby…..He is Jeanne’s (and my!) special boy, Belgium/Mustang and every inch of this gentle, furry creature is pure Feel education. This guy cannot be ‘made’ to do anything….just try, and see where it would get you….mowed over, flattened, run away with, maimed and/or killed. Dramatic? No, not really. At 8, Gumby was wild for too long to not have huge survival mechanisms in place, and not at all interested in just handing his life over to us humans. His Brother Nash is up here as well now, and he is a completely different kettle of sardines….yep, he is juuuuuuust fine with being looked after, ridden, contained and domestic.
But, not so with Gumby, but happily, he must have acquired very good karma, as Jeanne is infinitely devoted and patient with him, and has allowed Gumby the time, space, resources and opportunity to proceed at his own pace. This is a HUGE lesson that horses operate on their own schedule particularly those who may have experienced any trauma can tell you, trust is not forced to happen, belief in others not just given, independence held on too tightly. Self preservation has built in hyper awareness, sensitivity, high flight drive, massive distrust and complete lack of desire to connect with a human. All of these are innately in our horses, just intensified in ‘problem’ horses, and certainly take great degrees of feel to even begin explore. Gumby was one of my pivotal horses, where I realized that I absolutely HAD to feel….where he was coming from, where he was thinking of going, how fast he was thinking, why he was thinking the way he was, how was I making him feel, and was it up to him to change, or me? He would not fit into a program or lesson plan, he had to be felt every single step of the way, or no dice. Period.

Well.

(Human step’s back, licks and chews thoughtfully…..hmm, NOW what?)
Gumby is one of the reasons I am a ‘Feel Queen’. He helped expand my awareness, my desire to become more finely and acutely tuned in, trust in myself, believe in what I felt/observed, and act upon the intuitive nudges and what simply felt ‘right’ in the moment, slow down! and the power of just being with our horses. Gumby insisted that I go in with an open heart, an open mind and no agenda. I had to be true, firm, flexible, gentle, reserved, soft beyond soft, respectful and clear. Humbling? Totally! Frustrating? Completely! There are days when I still ask for guidance with this horse as my head hits the pillow, days when i think I may have done wrong. But Today, when we end our 11/2 session with him looking like something out of a Dr. Seuss book as we trot around the property scaring the Poop out of all the other horses and he is having a BLAST doing it- just me an’ Gumby doing weird and wacky things…..together and I know it and he knows it, and we stand side by side after he is back in his pen with Nash and neither of us wants to leave the other, I know he has blessed me with a treasure that is only beginning to be explored.
Gumby, the Brumby……Thank You.